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Setember

My imagination was fired last night by a phrase in one of Oswald Chamber's meditations. He talked about his readers feeling 'at home' and comfortable in God's presence. 'At home' is not a phrase I've come across in that context before, but I rather like the picture that it paints.

I've been married now for some 27 years and I think it's safe to say that my wife and I feel comfortable in each others presence. By that I mean that if we're together in the evening or even out walking then there's no such thing as that awkward silence that you get in a meeting or party when the conversation dries up. Instead, there's a comfort and fellowship enjoyed by just being in each other's company.

The other thing that happens, of course is that as a relationship develops the quality and depth of our conversations change. Yes, there's still discussions about the trivial things of life, and there's nothing wrong with that, but we also feel free to discuss more intimate and spiritual matters.

I don't think it's something that happens instantly, but rather as part of a continuing process of development . It happens to a lesser degree in the office or workplace, that as we get to know people better then our conversation changes, and again we cease to feel awkward if there is a minute or two of silence.

I'm not entirely sure if that's what Oswald Chambers had in mind when he wrote that short piece, but I find it helpful.

When I've been alone with my thoughts I have at times found that I'm physically willing myself to talk to God, almost out of a sense of duty. It's probably a guilt thing, feeling that I don't spend as much time at prayer as I should and therefore any spare moments ought to be filled with dialogue. But of course that's not being 'At home' or comfortable in his presence. It's back to that party and being introduced to a stranger, feeling that I must say something just for the sake of conversation, and in the final analysis saying and hearing almost nothing.

What I need to be able to do is enjoy those moments of quietness in the same way that I do with my wife and family, be comfortable in the presence of God, be open to hear and open to speak but not feel compelled to do either. God does not impose himself on us, that's why we have free will.

It's all part of the continual development of my relationship with God, a process that has been ongoing for around thirty five years and no doubt will last a lifetime. Occasionally I get it right, drop my defences in his presence and forget my awkwardness. Then any silence is filled, not with embarrassment, but with the joy of basking in the warmth of his fellowship and knowing his love and grace.